Saturday, July 27, 2013

Cutting out the Cancer

Mark Glamack said, “If you surround yourself with the good and righteous, they can only raise you up. If you surround yourself with the others, they will drag you down into the doldrums of mediocrity, and they will keep you there, but only as long as you permit it."  

Holy cow was that dude right!!!  

Ladies and Gentlemen- it has been a long, rough couple of weeks.  Since Monday, Biscuit has had more medical procedures than I can count (in one day), had a seizure- like the kind that results in a non-responsive blue child and been diagnosed with MRSA in his airway and lungs.  To say that my ulcer is growing by leaps and bounds is a bit of an understatement. 

I have spent a week more or less- on the couch, staring off into space, feeling like I have an elephant on my chest.  You all have felt it- that tight chested anxiety feeling; when your lips tingle- like they are asleep. Only this wasn't caused by my puny baby. It wasn't caused by the fact that Bit is starting 2nd grade- GASP! It is caused by MY choices.  I feel like some of the people that I choose to surround myself with are, simply put, like poison.  Like a cancerous growth that has attached itself to my everyday life. Something that is slowly sucking away my self confidence.  Making me question my ability to do what is right for my children. Causing me to NOT be all that I can be where they are concerned. Which makes me think.  What can I do to change this predicament that I have put myself in?   I have decided that I will be cutting out the cancer.  

Here is the thing. If you have a friend or relative that is raising an "easy to love but hard to raise baby," cut them some darn slack.  Trust me, they get judged just fine by everyone in the world.  From the lady at the grocery store that wants to tell her how their mother's, brother's, cousin's, nephew did just that and they simply had to point their finger at them and say, "no!" and that baby walked the line. To the countless therapists, hospital social workers, doctors and specialists that can't figure out how to "fix it" so it is obviously a problem with their "home life."  WE DON'T NEED YOU TO JUDGE US TOO!!!!!!!!!  

In fact, when you do it- it is quite difficult for us to swallow. You see, families like us have only a few places that we can go where we don't live on edge.  Half of the time, we can't even spend time at our own house where we don't live on edge.  Because of the countless home visits done by those "experts" that can't figure out our kid, either.  We are either preparing for a visit or recovering from one.  Our own house isn't even a "safe place."  So, if you have taken the time and energy to express (verbally) that you are one of those friends/family members that is willing to take the good and the bad, better and worse, of our child and LOVE them AND their parents unconditionally don't take the when the going gets tough (or in this case- steroids; lots and lots of steroids) the tough gets judgmental approach.  News flash- we are aware that out kid has issues.  It isn't like we are sitting around twiddling our thumbs hoping that we can miracle him out of this one.   

Needless to say: I have decided that I don't need people like that in my life. You aren't worth it.  It is true that raising a child with special needs causes to people to isolate themselves from the world around them. Their circle of tried and true friends is certainly just that.  TRUE FRIENDS and UNCONDITIONAL FAMILY MEMBERS.  But, with "friends" and "family" like a few that I have encountered in the last year; WHO THE HECK NEEDS ENEMIES????? I for one- don't!  

So, here is your one warning: If you can't love our family, ALL OF US, unconditionally, step aside and leave us alone. You are nothing but Cancer to our awesomeness. There are a lot of things about my life I can't control, but I can and I will control this.  I won't allow my children, specifically that very active, cute, little one, to believe that he is BAD because YOU needed to blow out someone's candle just to make yours burn brighter.  Perhaps attacking the behavior of a 3 year old is causing you to feel better about your own short comings? I don't know and it isn't my problem.

I won't allow what I now realize were my own needs to hurt my babies or myself.  This mama bear is on a roll and cutting out the cancer like a hot knife goes through butter.  With that- I will be stepping OFF my soapbox now.  I promise that I will not be another blog post that isn't sunshine and rainbows for at least 6 months.  This one just had to be done. Look at it like a necessary evil :)

See the people in that picture below?? Those are the only ones whose opinion that I care about. Just in case you needed a visual aid. 


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